Saturday, January 1, 2011

Regrets and letting them go...

Happy New Year's Day! It is the first day of 2011 and I'm sure everyone has decided (or are still in the process) on their New Year's Resolution(s). As this year starts, I am shocked with the realization that I will be entering the last year of my thirties in a little over 2 months. So 40 will be staring me in the face soon. Wow, how did this happen? It is pretty evident that the aging process has started. "What are these weird random hairs on my face?" "Why does my neck look like the neck of a turkey?" "Dry skin again?" These are my usual complaints. But as I close my thirties, I don't feel any regret about this decade. At least I looked better in my 30's that I did in my 20's.
My husband's grandmother passed away this week so the family and I have spent some time looking through old photos, etc. When my husband and I started dating again, I was in my 20's and we got married in my mid-20's. This was also the time that I gained the weight. It was a major shock to see how heavy I really was because you forget (ok, block it out is maybe a better phrase). The swollen face, how odd I looked next to my husband in pictures who was thinner and thinking again of how I could have let myself get to that point. And I have often thought back of this time in my life, what should have been the best time of my life was actually a painful time in my life.
So of all the things I regret in my life, this is one of the biggest ones. I wish I hadn't been so heavy in my 20's. I wish I had been able to shop at normal department stores and not the stores for "big girls". I wish I had been able to wear a swim suit with pride. I wish I had been able to get a normal-sized wedding dress and not have to pay extra money because they had to buy more material to make it. I wish that when my husband and I celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary, we could have looked at a thin girl in her wedding dress rather than looking at a heavy bride. I have so many regrets about my 20's that it often makes me sad.
So as I was sharing these pangs of regret on facebook, one of my friends remarked, "I think that is way better than looking through your wedding album and thinking how skinny you WERE. Not many people can say they look better now than they did at their wedding." Interesting point. And to get lost in the pain of regretting the past takes away from focusing on life in front of you and relishing in your positive changes. I found a quote that sums it up pretty well. "Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.” (Jonathan Larson)
So, here's what I have accomplished in the 30's to turn around the 20's. I am thinner than I was my junior and senior year of high school! I shop at regular department stores! And not only do I wear a now swim suit with pride, but I do it with a bikini!!! And although I can't take back my wedding day, maybe someday my husband and I will renew our vows and I can wear a dress that doesn't require more material!
I recently bought an off-the-shoulder blouse to wear for New Year's Eve. This would have been something I would have loved to wear in my 20's. Instead, I wore it at 38 years old and rocked it. I have a lot of time to make up for and that's what I have been doing for the past 5 years!
P.S. Good Luck Balzy! I want you to rock it in your 40's! Be fabulous!

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