Saturday, January 22, 2011

New size and a new job?!?!?

So with a sense of optimism, I headed into The Limited today to try on some new pants. In a smaller size. Now, I have seen this size before when I was at my smallest 4-5 years ago, but I didn't get too many things in those size just in case. Now, with a a new body thanks to boot camp, it was time to venture into the land of the smaller size. again The other day, I pulled the size out of my closet on a whim to see if they actually would fit as I easily could have been "pantsed" with my other pants. And they fit. But, now it was time to see if it was a fluke or not.
No fluke! And the saleslady got so excited, she got more pants in that size from the backroom. Not only did she get that size, but a size smaller. How kind of her to think I was actually that small! So, while I was doing my little excited dance in the dressing room with the skinny pants with my daughter, the phone rang. At the time, I was trying to prevent my daughter from taking my picture in the dressing room (she DOES know how to upload pictures the facebook) so I ignored it. Later when checking the voicemail, it was someone calling from the local Weight Watchers affiliation regarding my interest in being a leader. It was later in the day when I was finally able to listen to it, so I will be returning that call tomorrow. So excited!
And forget it, I'm still not giving out my size. :p

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Turning Point - and in honor of 5 Yrs at lifetime status

So, I feel like I've reached a turning point in my life. I've been using this blog to share my weight loss story, journey and continual struggles. While doing so, I have become refocused on my weight loss and have lost 10 pounds since summer. I owe a lot of this to my two co-workers, Meg and Krista, who joined Weight Watchers recently and have had huge success. Through them, I have found my mojo. And since I haven't been able to run as much anymore, I have become more attentive to nutrition and have gotten under my goal weight again. I'm feeling pretty good and am probably in the best shape of my life.
When I first got to lifetime status, I was interested in becoming a Weight Watcher leader. But at the time, my daughter was not even 1 and it was not the right time. I wanted to motivate and energize people, so starting this blog enabled me to do that. But, I want to expand and go further. So I have sent my resume to Weight Watcher headquarters to apply to be a leader. I want to motivate and help people have the success that I have had. I hope it comes true. I feel like this is something I need to do.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Battle Scars

So, we have seen Danny from the Biggest Loser with it. Kate Gosselin with it. And lots of other folks who have lost huge amounts of weight have it. What is "it"? Loose skin. I am no exception.
Sure I workout to tone the problem areas. It is true that building muscle will lessen the impact of loose skin along with a healthy diet. But there are some areas that will never recover from the extra weight I carried. Because I am not a millionaire and rich, I will never be able to afford plastic surgery to get rid of the loose skin permanently. So, I continue to feel self-concious about these areas. The loose skin on my upper arms, the loose skin on my stomach (that also has to do with having children), the fact that my breasts shrank when I didn't want them to get smaller. Fortunately, I had muscle tone previously when I was heavy so the amount of loose skin is minimal, but I still notice it. But then again, we are also our worst critic.
Just one more thing I wish I could change but will always have.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Warning Signs

I see it happening already, the warning signs are there...

My mother always said to me: "Thank God you were able to play sports in high school, that is one reason you were able to keep the weight off while you played sports". This was very true. Throughout high school, I was a 3-sport per year athlete (OK, I was not very good at basketball, but I tried to make an effort) I was good at volleyball and pretty good at softball. But playing those sports enabled me to control my weight. I also played volleyball in college, so the training during the summer, fall and off-season also helped. Thank goodness for sports, otherwise, high school would have been a different story for me.

My daughter. Love her to pieces. Would die for her. Those of you who are a parent know what I am talking about. I also worry about her. For one, she is the spitting image of me. This means that most likely she is doomed for the weight troubles that I encountered and battle with (successfully now!) Her last physical I talked to her doctor about it. I knew. She was a 5-year old wearing 6x. Her weight measured at the 95 percentile, her height was in the 75 percentile. I was frank with her pediatrician. What do I do? How could this happen? And that was the one thing I couldn't understand, how did this happen? Especially when she does eat the healthy stuff! She loves fruit, loves tomatoes (which is interesting such her daddy and I can't stand them), loves most vegetables. Then as a parent, you begin to feel guilty. How could I (especially me) allow this to happen? How did this happen and what did I do wrong? Her pediatrician didn't seem to be concerned at this point (well, not alarmed), but she did give me some ideas. Continue to give healthy snack ideas, which is something I am trying. And if it is not fruits or vegetables, I have been buying the 100 calorie snack packs. Less calories and in a portion pack. She also said to work on portion control, which is something I have been doing. I am not sure if it has made a difference at this point, but we will see. I also try to keep her involved in physical activities, so we do dance, we are doing kids zumba, we do t-ball and soccer, etc...

But the warning signs are there. I can see her having to deal with my issues when she gets older. I can see it happening because when I relayed all this information to my parents, they informed me that they had the same discussion with my pediatrician that I had with my daughter's. And I am struggling with how to help her without giving her a complex. That is what I DON'T want to do. That will only lead to a child with an eating disorder or other self-esteem issues. So, the only thing I can do at this point is continue doing what I am doing, show her how mommy eats healthy, show her how mommy exercises and hope that my influence rubs off on her. This is a tall order.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Regrets and letting them go...

Happy New Year's Day! It is the first day of 2011 and I'm sure everyone has decided (or are still in the process) on their New Year's Resolution(s). As this year starts, I am shocked with the realization that I will be entering the last year of my thirties in a little over 2 months. So 40 will be staring me in the face soon. Wow, how did this happen? It is pretty evident that the aging process has started. "What are these weird random hairs on my face?" "Why does my neck look like the neck of a turkey?" "Dry skin again?" These are my usual complaints. But as I close my thirties, I don't feel any regret about this decade. At least I looked better in my 30's that I did in my 20's.
My husband's grandmother passed away this week so the family and I have spent some time looking through old photos, etc. When my husband and I started dating again, I was in my 20's and we got married in my mid-20's. This was also the time that I gained the weight. It was a major shock to see how heavy I really was because you forget (ok, block it out is maybe a better phrase). The swollen face, how odd I looked next to my husband in pictures who was thinner and thinking again of how I could have let myself get to that point. And I have often thought back of this time in my life, what should have been the best time of my life was actually a painful time in my life.
So of all the things I regret in my life, this is one of the biggest ones. I wish I hadn't been so heavy in my 20's. I wish I had been able to shop at normal department stores and not the stores for "big girls". I wish I had been able to wear a swim suit with pride. I wish I had been able to get a normal-sized wedding dress and not have to pay extra money because they had to buy more material to make it. I wish that when my husband and I celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary, we could have looked at a thin girl in her wedding dress rather than looking at a heavy bride. I have so many regrets about my 20's that it often makes me sad.
So as I was sharing these pangs of regret on facebook, one of my friends remarked, "I think that is way better than looking through your wedding album and thinking how skinny you WERE. Not many people can say they look better now than they did at their wedding." Interesting point. And to get lost in the pain of regretting the past takes away from focusing on life in front of you and relishing in your positive changes. I found a quote that sums it up pretty well. "Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.” (Jonathan Larson)
So, here's what I have accomplished in the 30's to turn around the 20's. I am thinner than I was my junior and senior year of high school! I shop at regular department stores! And not only do I wear a now swim suit with pride, but I do it with a bikini!!! And although I can't take back my wedding day, maybe someday my husband and I will renew our vows and I can wear a dress that doesn't require more material!
I recently bought an off-the-shoulder blouse to wear for New Year's Eve. This would have been something I would have loved to wear in my 20's. Instead, I wore it at 38 years old and rocked it. I have a lot of time to make up for and that's what I have been doing for the past 5 years!
P.S. Good Luck Balzy! I want you to rock it in your 40's! Be fabulous!