Sunday, February 10, 2013

You think it's easy...think again: Confessions of a Perfectionist

You think it would be easy once you meet your goal weight. If someone tells you that, turn and run. It isn''s extremely hard. This month marks 7 years since meeting my goal weight and becoming a lifetime member with Weight Watchers. It was also this month ten years ago when I began my weight-loss journey (minus the 10-month hiccup for baby #2..a welcome and planned hiccup) Yes, I have kept it off for 7 years. Aside from the occasional slip-up, I have maintained it. Yes, I am a leader now and enjoy motivating and supporting my members. Yes, I have run 5 half-marathons and am ready to tackle #6 this month. I have tried spinning, yoga, boot camp, Zumba and enjoy being active. Cross-fit in my future? Yes, I have realized who my true friends are throughout this process. There are people who celebrate your success and those that put you down every chance they get because they hate your success. Yes, I examine food journals and talk to them about small changes they can make ("watch your sugar, careful of the salt, where are the veggies and fruits, how much soda are you drinking?") All this should make me happy...right? Confessions of a perfectionist.. These last two years have been a pressure-filled cooker. A lot of this I did to myself and a lot of it had to do with what others would think if I gained the weight back. People are cruel, people are mean...just thinking of the jokes and comments behind my back about what people would say. Come to think of it, these were the same comments and jokes that drove me to Weight Watchers. Trying to retain perfectionism will lead you to some dangerous places. How much more weight can I lose? I know...let's skip dinner tonight! Even better, let's skip lunch! My body doesn't need this food. Why does my head feel foggy? Oh, just ignore it. You will be fine. So what if I didn't eat lunch, I can still run these five miles on the treadmill (enter the lightheadedness and need to pass out washing over me)So I get a concussion on the treadmill, big deal... Ignore that growling are 11 pounds away from being as thin as you were in 6th grade! Nothing can stop you! Until you reach your breaking point...and your therapist informs you that you are two steps away from an eating disorder... That your brain can't make rational decisions because you aren't feeding it properly. It gives you a wake-up call. So you begin to eat meals again with your family...and the togetherness feels nice. And you enjoy cooking again. And the weight creeps on. And you try not to freak out. After all, you were not eating properly beforehand, so it's no wonder. And then you realize that you have gained 10 pounds. But its okay. Because you are still at your goal weight and are able to run, spin and work your body much harder when it has energy and fuel. You also realize when your mind is clearer, you make better decisions for you and your family. The perfectionist still lives here. The perfectionist still worries about others watching her and waiting for her to f*ck up so they can enjoy laughing at her. The perfectionist is working on herself and what led to her weight problem in the first place...


  1. Nice raw and honest post Jenn, I love it. You have done great things, and continue to inspire many.